The following is a transcript of radio traffic between the on-scene commander Grant Gerard DuGalle Calliope (Valkyrie Home) and subordinate fire teams (Valkyrie 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10) from Armed Mobile Task Force Pi-2 of Armed Headquarters Area-██'s tactical contact security force designate "Valkyrie" during the initial contact with and recovery of Object-19. Valkyrie was deployed to the city of Baltimore, Maryland on 08/04/2013, following the disappearance of a a Foundation field agent. The agent was investigating trails leading to the area.
<Sounds of civilians were heard as Federation (alongside the Foundation and the GOC) forces have surrounded the Baltimore Convention Center and Hilton Baltimore Hotel.>
Valkyrie Home: <in Markiplier's Santa voice; using the 1MC> D'ALLRIGHT KIDDIES! WE'RE GONNA SEARCH FOR A FOUNDATION FIELD AGENT! Search him and we'll eat SCP-6661/2-J! If y'all fails I'LL MAKE YOU ALL EAT THAT JOKE SCP!!!! Now get those comm checks people.
Sergeant Malkovich (Valkyrie-1-Lead): Roger that. Teams, does your comm alright?
Corporal Minedos (Valkyrie-2-Lead): 2-Lead here. We read ya.
Sergeant Marakov (Valkyrie-3-Lead): 3 Lead here, chief.
Captain Borealis (Valkyrie-4-Lead): 4-Lead here.
Guardsman Locke (Valkyrie-5-Lead): Valkyrie, 5-Lead is ready.
Guardsman Jason (Valkyrie-6-Lead): 6-Lead is gunned up.
Guardsman Joseph (Valkyrie-7-Lead): 7-Lead is good to go.
Valkyrie Home: Alright, gents! I hear y'all loud und clear. Be advised, your teams are go for entry. Valkyrie One, weapons tight.
Sergeant Malkovich (V1L): Roger. Guys, stand by with Home, that's yer job. And make sure our flanks' tight after we breached.
Captain Borealis (V4L): Roger that. You hear him, guys! Let's keep their flanks tight!
Sergeant Malkovich (V1L): One, stack up.
<Members of Valkyrie One can be heard acknowledges Valkyrie One Lead's command.>
Corporal Mistletoe (Valkyrie One): Execute.
Sergeant Malkovich (V1L): Alright, that water charge goes in 5.
Sergeant Malkovich (V1L): Stairs, right! Clear!
Corporal Mistletoe (Valkyrie One): Door, right! Right side, clear.
Captain Borealis (V4L): Door, left! Left side, clear.
Sergeant Malkovich (V1L): Alright, let's search this building for the Agent. If we don't we'll eat that Joke SCP!
<All Valkyrie subordinate teams screams as if they're girls.>
Captain Borealis (V4L): <Not screaming> Stop screaming, you idiots, and get back to work! Valkyrie-8, -9, and -10 will be here to reinforce us!
Sergeant Malkovich (V1L): Roger. Valkyrie Home, all Valkyrie subordinate units reporting no contact. Four, secure that passageway, mark your territory and then follow my team down. Keep an eye out for the man.
Valkyrie teams: Team copies.
Sergeant Malkovich (V1L): Grant, you've got point.
Guardsman Grant (Valkyrie One): Roger. Taking point.
Sergeant Malkovich (V1L): Valkyrie Home, this is One; we're moving into the structure. Damn, those bronies and pegasisters are following us.
Valkyrie Home: Roger. Shouldn't they stay?
Sergeant Malkovich (V1L): Nah, they wanna film cuz you agreed with that.
<Memebrs of all Valkyrie subordinate teams can be heard calling out doorways and landings as they proceed.>
Sergeant Malkovich (V1L): Home, be advised: I'm starting to smell something awful right here, and it's pretty strong. Something's been dead for a while... stand by... Team, halt. I'm looking at some shredded clothing right here. No bodies, just the clothes, and nothing looks like our man. There's the cop...
Captain Borealis (V4L): A crunch. Look at that... it looks like something just took a huge bite.
Valkyrie Home: Lock it right there. I'll send Delta-1, -2, and -3 to lock it right there.
Sergeant Malkovich (V1L): Copy, Home. Valkyrie Two, watch yourselves. Something around our pos has an appetite, and it looks like it's got a pretty mean bite.
Corporal Minedos (V2L): Solid, One. We're almost done up here. If our Agent's here, he's down there with you guys. We'll be down as soon as we-
<A muffled human voice is audible through Agent Washburne's VOX feed, unintelligible and distant.>
Sergeant Malkovich (V1L): One and Two, freeze.
<Unknown source: Help me! Jesus Christ! Somebody!>
Sergeant Malkovich (VL1): Folks, we got our man. Hustle up, people!
<Valkyrie subordinate teams, and also those bronies and pegasisters, can be heard moving through the structure. The cry for help is again audible.>
Sergeant Malkovich (V1L): Guys, we've reached the source of the noise. We're about to get the Foundation's agent back. Truman, prep the trauma bag; looks like this guy's in bad shape.
<Two shotgun reports, sounds of door slamming on floor>
<Immediate sustained gunfire>
Sergeant Malkovich (V1L): Home, contact! What the hell are those things?!
Corporal Mistletoe (Valkyrie One): Looks like griffons! How the hell did they get here?!
Valkyrie Home: It's because them construction workers are fucking stupid enough to thaw them out! Get outta there!
Captain Borealis (V4L): One, what the hell is going on there?
<Gunfire is still heard.>
Guardsman Jason (V6L): They got griffons chasing them!
Griffon #1: DEATH TO THE CELESTINA EMPIRE!
Valkyrie Home: Did that griffon say 'death to the Celestina Empire'.....?
All, excluding the griffons: Uh, yes?
<Valkyrie Home didn't made any response.>
Guardsman Joseph (V7L): Why isn't the commander sending support?!
<Explosion, then Admiral Calliope is heard stepping through the blown-up wall, wearing Rambo's outfit.>
'Admiral Calliope: You want war? YOU GOT IT!
<Admiral Calliope can be heard firing an M60 machine gun at the griffons, who are suffering serious wounds.>
Admiral Calliope: YOU WANNA MAKE WAR WITH THE CELESTINA EMPIRE YOU'LL HAVE TA GET THROUGH ME, FAGGOT-FUCKS!
Guardsman Mason: Nice shot, Admiral!
Admiral Calliope: SEND THE DAMN CONTAINMENT UNIT OR I'LL CRUSH YOUR BALLZ LIKE WALNUTS, YOU IGNORIOUS FUCKING-BLACK-SLASHERS!
Guardswoman Crystal: Yes, sir!
Admiral Calliope: AND NO ONE WILL MENTION THE CELESTINA EMPIRE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!!!
<Admiral Calliope can be heard turning around and, to everyone's surprise, walks away into the blown-up wall, which actually leads to his C1A5 Archon Command-and-Control Vehicle>
Admiral Calliope: GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHH!!????!?!?!????!!!!!!! I AM GOING TO EAT SCP-6661/2-J!!!!!!